Burpee, Carpenter & Hutchins Funeral Home

The most recent Tigers East Alpines East United in New England was a wonderful time for me. I arrived in time to settle down and just in time to change my clothes for the evening salt water cruise. I was attending solo and hadn't seen some of the club people for a couple of years. As circumstance would have it, Tod sat opposite me and we started in talking, somewhat hesitantly at first --probably because everyone was trying to stay warm and less than amply dressed for New England coastline weather. Tod and I had a very pleasant conversation and I felt completely 'back with the pack' in less than five minutes. His enthusiasm, kindness and ease were always pleasant to be around.

I lost my wife Kaiya two years ago, and one thing that has challenged me is the cultural assumption that we grieve for a year, wearing a virtual 'black armband', and then move on. There isn't a timeline for these things. All kinds of feelings continue to filter through my soul, and while it's different for everyone, I suspect it may not have been easy. If you can avoid it, don't fall for the other 'wisdom' about loss, namely time heals all wounds. In my experience that is untrue. I loved deeply and fully. I still miss my wife, my mother, and others who have mattered to me. Doe the frequency and strength of the pain diminish? Certainly. Do I believe I will ever forget the feeling of being with someone I love(d)? No --not for me. But that's perhaps the richest part of the process: they are within me, and within others whom they loved, plain and simple. That's a deep consolation. And I am more human than I was before these losses because I feel more humility in the face  of death but equally strongly, I feel gratitude for have been given this life to live.

Tod's welcome to me was a sweet gesture of friendship which I still remember. I will try to reach out to others in the same way when the opportunity arises again, in memory of, and with thanks for his example.

Warm Wishes, Hugs and Fond Remembrance,

David